A Self-Decieved Traveler

Self-deception is not necessarily a negative buzz word around most offices. Inefficiency, distraction, lack of motivation, alarmingly loud phone conversations—maybe. But “Well Jane is just so self-deceived” hardly makes the cut for the top-ten most common accusations whispered in the coffee break room.

It’s amazing how books can lodge vocabulary in your head, however, because those two words now bring to mind a myriad of connotations. During a recent trip, the national bestselling book Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box written by The Arbinger Institute was open on my tray table for the majority of my longer-than-I-would-have-liked journey. Those two events—the extension of my flight plans and my reading of this book—coincided in an ironic way.

The trip was supposed to be an easy “out one day, back the next” sort of deal. But when I turned the corner towards the airline check-in counters on my return leg only to run into a line stretching what seemed miles from the counter, I re-examined my expectations.  My flight had been canceled and every other flight out until the next day was overbooked.

What I did next would be labeled by our friends at Arbinger as “getting in the box.”  I decided I was the victim and decided the computer-clicking, uniform-wearing employees behind the desk were single-handedly responsible for my wallowing state of frustration and self-pity.

The theory of self-deception starts with the premise that people deceive themselves daily. Instead of looking at situations rationally, Arbinger says our natural instinct is to “1) Inflate other’s faults, 2) Inflate our own virtue, 3) Inflate the value of things that justify our self-betrayal, 4) Blame” (79).  This distortion in our views of others inhibits everything from healthy work environments to loving family situations.  It is a continuous cycle of justification and blame that can only be broken by facing the truth of self-deception, or in Arbinger-lingo, by “getting out of the box.”

If I were “out of the box,” I would have realized that the four people behind the counter were not actually responsible for the thunder storms over Chicago, for the inconvenient airline policy of overbooking, or for the technical difficulty that left me unaware of my flight cancellation.

However, the next “box exiting” step is the harder one.  It is deciding to leave your box even if others stay in theirs.  No questions asked, those airline attendants were huddled in their boxes. They slowly called people to the desk one-by-one with annoyed looks on their faces and made no efforts to communicate with the rest of us in line. However the point stands: if everyone stays in their boxes and justifies it because “they are in theirs,” no one will ever escape and frustration and inefficiency will rule. The line would have moved twice as fast if both parties had been more willing to take some responsibility and engage the situation head on.

It is easy to see how the theory of self-deception explained in Arbinger’s book underlies many of the MBM guiding principles. When we are stuck in our boxes we inhibit value creation, take the focus off of the customer, obstruct the exchange of knowledge, fail to respect others, and limit both our own and our co-worker’s fulfillment.  When the theory of MBM meets the reality of MBM in daily work, an effort to look at the world through MBM glasses will fail if a box limits our vision to two inches in front of our faces.

So although self-deception may not buzz around the coffee room, I have personally discovered, regrettably a few hours too late, that self-deception’s lack of jargon popularity no more discounts its tragic effects as it discounts its need to be remembered.

Comments

[Carolyn]

Great post on self-deception. It is my favorite book and has readically changed my life. Also read The Anatomy of Peace by Arbinger. It is the story about Lou Herbert and the self-deception theory. Also, if you can tackle: The Bonds that Make Us Free; the manifesto by Terry Warner.

[Pamela Ragan]

Came across your post whilst researching Arbinger theory. Any advice how to integrate theory into an organisation would be greatly appreciated. It seems more like a personal journey and revelation - how do we instill these core values into our staff?

[Kiley Humphries]

You've hit the million-dollar question on the head. What's interesting about Bud and Tom's interactions in the book is that it seems to be a combination of both guided and personal revelation. Bud leads Tom through the process of reaching his conclusions regarding self-deception, however Tom's decision to "get out of the box" is one that he makes personally and independently. It is almost like an "ah-ha" moment that he then personally takes into his life at work and home.

Informing and re-informing people of the concepts is key to begin with. (Tom didn't know about self-deception until Bud informed him.) The great thing about the book is that it is a clear and easy read for those seeking to understanding the ideas. Arbinger has information about their corporate training and personal coaching programs online (www.arbinger.com/en/organizations.html) as well as information about how you can get trained to lead Arbinger workshops at your organization. From there, however, both leaders committed to being "out of the box" people and reminders of the importance of the concept are vital and will hopefully motivate people to think more deeply about their boxes and maybe have life-changing "ah-ha" moments themselves.